Nikki Osborne

Fan Club and gallery for Nikki Osborne, star of The Nation (Channel Nine Australia), former late night TV presenter on the Quizmania gameshow and one of Australian television's best looking and talented new stars. It's not Rocket Surgery...

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Top Nikki Quotes Volume II

Further to the last collection of Nikki'isms, another chance to leave a comment whenever she says something hilarious, cute, silly or amusing.

No career killers please!

All comments to this site must be approved (there may be a delay) so please stay on topic.


  • At 2:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    On the subject of 'bottom burps':

    "Better to let it out and feel the shame than hold it in & feel the pain."

  • At 5:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The category was chocolates & Nikki was enjoying the thought of the caller's answers, eventually she's like:
    "I'm having orgasms here!"

  • At 4:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Nikki is such a cheeky bugger! on last night's show someone named Andrew rang up from Sydney and said for the tower game Hot__& cold. And then Nikki said is there a movie called that? I assume she was refering to me as I send in the movie posters, lol

    But no it was not me, for one I am not that stupid to ring up with that idiotic answer! and 2 I have never called the show nor can I because my phone only rings local numbers cause I'm sick of paying enormous phone bills from other people ringing mobiles and interstate on my phone!

    But anyway even though I knew that, I still tried to ring on the night they had "on the farm" tower cause I just knew the top answer was crop circles but no I go the message saying I can't use this service and I was like noooo!! when they revealed it! haha

    So Nikki & others if an Andrew calls up it isnt me, if I ever did call I would use my name Drew and not Andrew :p

    Oh and O/T but I emailed TV WEEK the other day about doing a feature on Nikki and the QM presenters so hopefully they do that, let us know if they do somehow Nikki..


  • At 3:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Just before the commercial, "Beat the Break" was asking, "What do Microwaves use?"

    One option was simply microwaves, the other two were micro-organisms and some other.

    Nikki had a difficult time reading out the "micro-organisms" option, repeating "micro-orgasms" a few times before correcting herself, it craked me up

  • At 10:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Sorry went O/T a little, but didn't know where else to post..

    I love how she says "you picking up what I'm putting down!" and "laying down the tunes" haha

    "Hook a brother up!" "Brother from another mother"

  • At 3:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Friday Night Nikki said:
    My old music teacher (no names)....well I reckon he was a bit dodgey!!
    Nicky waves her pointed finger at the camera:
    You don't have to tuck everyone's shirt in!!

    End quote.

  • At 3:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Yee ha grandma!

    I've been hoping for Volume 2 to make its appearance - Volume 1 was getting a little lost in the Archives!

    (Tower - Boys Names starting with 'C')
    "What name do you have for me?"
    (caller) Christian.
    "Christian. Is Christian there?
    No! He walked out the Dior."

    "Caesar. Is he there?
    No! But he’s good in a salad."

    "Casper! Is he there?
    No. Because he’s invisible."

    "Caulfield! Is he there?
    No. But he’s got a whole suburb named after him."

    "So what name do you have for me?"
    (caller) Calvin.
    "Calvin. As in Calvin … (bringing her thumb and forefinger together, indicating something small) … Klein!
    (multi-lingual Nikki)

    (Tower - Girls Names starting with 'J ')
    "What name do you have for me?"
    (male caller) Jemima.
    "Jemima. You watch 'Play School' don’t you!"

    "Hello. Who's there?"
    (caller) Annette.
    "Annette. What do you call a girl who can catch a fish?

    "Hello. Who have we got there?"
    (caller) Russell.
    "Russell. What do you call a man in a bush?
    (pauses) Rustle!"

    "Hello. Who do we have there?"
    (caller) Wendy.
    "Wendy! How you doin'. Do you love ice cream?"

    (Tower Game - Hot _ what?)
    (female caller) Hot Chocolate.
    "No Hot Chocolate! How are you going to get the sproglets to bed without Hot Chocolate?"

    "What answer do you have for me?"
    (caller) Hot dogs.
    "Hot Dogs!
    We eat Hot Dogs for breakfast.
    No Hot Dogs! Cross him off the list.
    No! I mean cross it off the list."

    (Multi- lingual Nikki !)

    (waiting for a caller to speak up)

    "Mushi mushi!"

    "So schnell! Get sie on dienen blozz und ringen mich! Danke schön!
    Which means get me on the blozz and win yourself some dosh!"

    It was nice to hear Nikki have a burl at speaking in my Mum’s native lingo. I rex one good turn deserves another so …

    Nikki Sie sind das schönste Mädchen in der ganzen Welt.
    Ich liebe Dich Nikki!

    Maybe Nikki could practice her multi-lingual prowess with a few other greetings to her adoring non-Anglo audience? I’m sure they’d love it!

    Here’s a few multi-cultural variants on Nik’s classic greeting -
    "Good morning! Blozz me baby. Yeah!"

    Guten Morgen! Blozz mich baby. Ja!
    (German-friendly Nikki)

    Bonjour ! Blozz moi bébé. Oui !
    (French-friendly Nikki)

    Buona mattina! Blozz me bambino. Sì!
    (Italian-friendly Nikki)

    Buenos días! Blozz yo bebé. Sí!
    (Spanish-friendly Nikki)

    Auf Wiedersehen - für jetzt - Nikki lovers!

  • At 11:37 AM, Blogger Dan said…

    I've been hoping for Volume 2 to make its appearance

    Jeepers Nikkirox! We may have to start Volume 3 pretty shortly thanks to you!

    What a great collection. Keep it up!

  • At 5:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Nikki overheard, not knowing they were LIVE again!! Looking into monitor....."Is my bum big in this dress? Do you think?? "
    It was heard LIVE across Australia!!! LOL Ha ha! Nikki, you poor Girl!!! Answer is NO anyway, Nikki!!! You look Perfect in every dress!!

  • At 10:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Nikki Friday Night:
    Tower = Jobs Beginning With "B":

    Jeremy: "Boner"
    Nikki: "What??? " Cough, splutter, Choke, Choke....
    "What did you say??"
    "You have a Boner??"
    Crew: "It's a Meat Worker!"
    Nikki: "Ohhh!" (Stunned!! )

  • At 4:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    (Tower - Chocolate Treats)
    "Maltesers! Are Maltesers there?
    Yum yum yum yum yum.
    (Fat Bastard voice)
    Get in my belly!"

    "Go with the flow like a Caramello Koala."

    (Tower - Sitcoms)
    "What sitcom do you have for me?"
    (caller) 'Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em'.
    "Some mothers do have them! Look at Brodie!"

    (Tower – Girls Names 'C')
    "They're all the smart cows you used to sit next to at school."

    "What name do you have for me?"
    (caller) Cecilia.
    "Cecilia! Didn't like her.
    Cross her off the list!
    (pretending to aim and shoot)

    (Tower – Boys Names 'D')
    "What name do you have for me?"
    (caller) Dallas.
    "Dallas! Debbie did him."

    "Dawson! Is he there?
    No! He's up the creek."

    (Tower – Female Actors)
    "So what actress do you have for me?"
    (caller) Angelina Jolie.
    "Angelina Jolie.
    (singing) 'Jolie, Jolie, Jolie, Joleeie
    Please don't come and steal another orphan!'"

    "Renee Zellweger. Is she there?
    No she's not there!
    But you had me at hello!"

    (caller) Sigrid Thornton.
    "Is she there? No Sigrid!
    Cross her off your list - if you know what's good for you.
    Sigrid does."

    "Barbra Streisand. Is she there?
    No. But she is the wind beneath my wings."
    (Babs and Bette aren't interchangeable.
    Naughty Pip / bad Karen / silly Luke for no correcting prompt!)

    (Tower – Jobs 'B')
    "Jobs beginning with 'B'. What do you think?"
    (caller) A barrister.
    "A barrister. No it's not there!
    I'm a bit of an embarrasseder."

    "A broker. Is a broker there?
    No! You've broker my heart."

    "So Jeremy. What job do you have for me?"
    (caller) A Boner.
    "A what? A boner?"
    (caller) As at the abattoirs.
    (Nikki cracks up laughing)
    "I'm sorry. I was going to say 'Oh Jeremy, you've got a boner!'"

    "Hello. Who's there?"
    (female caller) Jackie.
    (singing) 'Jack Jack Jackie!
    Tell me a job beginning with B'."

    "Ray. How you doin'.
    You're my little Ray of sunshine."

    "Evonne. How you doin'.
    Oh, it's Evonne calling!"

    (unsure of the caller's name)
    "Was that Mick or Rick?
    I know it was an 'ick'."

    (at the host changeover – Nikki descending in the 'lift')
    "I'll have to say goodbye now.
    (studio voice) Ohhhhhhh
    "Au Revoir.
    Auf Wiedersehen!"

  • At 7:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    (Tower – Famous 'Johns')
    (caller) Johnny Cash.
    "Johnny Cash.
    (singing) 'Burn, burn, burn, my ring of fire.'
    Did Johnny Cash eat too much curry?
    That may have inspired that song."

    (female caller) Elton John.
    "Elton John! Is he there?
    No he's not there! Good thinking though.
    She put a name back the front.
    Actually Elton likes it back the front doesn't he.
    (laughs) Ha ha ha ha!"

    (caller) John Howard.
    "Johnny Howard. Is he there?
    No! He's out jogging."

    (caller) John Lennon.
    "John Lennon. Is he there?
    No John Lennon.
    (sad) He's in Strawberry Fields forever."

    (caller) Johnny Depp.
    "Johnny Depp. Is he there?
    Oh no - unfortunately not.
    But you can get out of Johnny Debt by getting these answers right!"

    (caller) JFK.
    "JFK. Is JFK there?
    Oh, he's not there unfortunately. That's bad luck.
    Actually the whole Kennedy family has bad luck.
    They keep dying.
    Wouldn't marry into that family!"

    (Tower - Movie Sequels)
    "Ghostbusters! Is it there?
    Who you gonna call?

    "Hello. Who do we have there?"
    (caller) Yasmin.
    "Yasmin! Did you get married?"

    (to the audience)
    "The producer is going to make me be the clock.
    Let's hope I don't clock up!"

    (Nikki doing a silly dance)
    "This is how you dance at a nightclub if you don't want anyone to come near you."

    "I'll just make love to your money.
    (rubbing the money-fan against her face)
    Oh! That's like the other channel!"

    Da da da dat da da!
    Let's win this sucker.
    Let's pump this puppy!"

    "It's a Speed Round.
    Let's keep it quick.
    Keep the answers up our sleeves - or in our cleavage."

    "Oh, I just got croaky.
    All of a sudden I sound like the chick on Home and Away."

    "A little Osborne goes a long way."

    "I'm buzzing about like a blue-arsed fly."

    (Expletives – frustrated Nikki)

    "Oh, Wodonga!"
    (one close to my heart)

  • At 2:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    (Tower - Famous Johns)

    Nikki: "What's your answer?"
    Caller: "Wayne".
    Nikki (with confused look): "Wayne John, is he there?"
    Nikki again: Oohhh, John Wayne!

    Sometimes when you want to convey a message to someone, simplicity is the best option. Nikki, I LOVE YOU! Give me back my socks, you've blown them to smithereens. Thank you for making me smile!

  • At 4:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    i.e. The Poster Formerly Known as nikkirox

    There. The honourable deed is done.
    I have exposed my true identity to the One who holds the keys to my heart.
    I have done so with the noblest motive in mind - to put an end to the torment and suffering I have caused Her.

    No longer will She cry out in anguish …
    "Who is this mysterious man?
    Why does he not proclaim his true name?"

    I have declared my hand, and now, trembling, await Her judgment.
    Her love would bring me a lifetime of unbridled joy.
    Her rejection would damn me to a nightmare of utter despair.
    Dearest Nikki – be gentle.


    (Tower – Female Actors)
    (caller) Nicole Kidman.
    "Nicole Kidman. Is she there?
    No, she's not there I'm afraid.
    She's still on Cold Mountain.
    (pauses) Sounds like she's getting a bit of Cold Mountain from Keith."

    "Hello. Who's there?"
    (caller) Greg.
    "Greg. And where are you calling from?"
    (caller) Budgewoi. On the Central Coast.
    "Budgie Woy!
    Do you wear budgie smugglers?"

    "Oh, we’ve got a drum roll!
    What does this mean?
    What's gonna happen?"
    (buzzer) Bup-Bow.
    How's that for an anti-climax?
    I know all about those."

    (Tower - something - Up)
    (caller) Pick Up.
    "Pick Up!
    Nice! Something we do when we're out on the town."

    (caller) Stuff Up.
    "Stuff Up!
    Is that a commentary on my performance on this show?"

    (Tower – Boys Names 'M')
    "So Di. Boys name beginning with 'M'.
    What do you think?"
    (caller) Mason.
    "Hey that's cool.
    He's a chip off the old block isn't he."

    "What name do you have for me?"
    (caller) Mario.
    “Is Mario there?
    Oh, there's no Mario!
    He's hanging out with his brothers."

    (caller) Marmaduke.
    "Marmaduke! Is Marmaduke there?
    No, I'm afraid Marmaduke's not there.
    But I love marmalade on toast."

    "Boys names beginning with 'M'.
    You can phone a friend.
    You can do 50-50.
    You can ask the audience.
    No, hang on - that's the wrong show.
    I'm playing a different game now!"

    "All of the crew are having a giggle.
    What is going on?"
    (crew) 'We only have eyes for you Nikki Osborne.'
    (Nikki sees the monitor – large saucer eyes superimposed over her own)
    "They're putting weird things on my face.
    Imagine what they're doing to my bum!

    "Nathan. Where are you calling from?"
    (caller) From Dubbo.
    "G'day Dubbo!
    We do love Dubbo.
    Yeh, we know the zoo don't we."
    (caller) Gotta love the zoo.
    "Yeh, gotta love the zoo don't you.
    The way they lock up all the citizens of Dubbo and we can all go and have a look.
    Only kidding!"


    The intro a bit much?
    Ah, there's nothing like a bit of mock Shakespeare!

  • At 5:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Nikki reading: Beat The Break!

    Q: Britney Spears is:

    "Actually it doesn't say what she really is!!!!"
    1. A Singer.
    2. Something....
    3. Etc......

  • At 10:21 PM, Blogger Evangelion said…

    N: who do we have there?
    C: Eliza
    N: Do you do little, Eliza ?
    C: I do a lot actually
    N: Of course you do, you're a woman

    (Nikki moves to the speed round podium)
    N: Here I am up on a pedestal where we all should be, right girls ?

  • At 3:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    "Hello. Who's that?"
    (caller) Rachel.
    "Rachel. Do you have a bit of an accent?"
    (caller - emphatic) No.
    "Ohh … Oh well there we go.
    You're just very articulate."

    "Let's play 'Beat the Break'.
    Britney Spears is a …
    Well hang on, what she is, is not actually there.
    But your options are singer, Olympic swimmer, or cartoon cat."
    (caller selects 'singer')
    "Well done Rob, you just won yourself 50 bucks!
    Easy peasy! Just like Britney.
    So take that 50 bucks and put it safely in your money box.
    Just like Britney would."

    (Tower - Air - what?)
    "So Michelle. What's your guess?"
    (caller) Airhead.
    "Airhead! Is airhead there?
    Yes! Well done Michelle.
    You just won yourself 100 bucks."
    (caller) Thanks so much.
    "There you go. Airhead.
    I thought I was a big enough visual clue - but no.
    Michelle knew what I was on about."

    "So Kylie, Air what? What do you think?"
    (caller) Airbrush.
    "Airbrush! Hey, now you're talkin'.
    Is airbrush there?
    Oh! Airbrush is not there.
    Even though we could do with a bit of an airbrush now and then.
    Speaking of an airbrush, Ralph comes out on Monday.
    Holy dooley!"
    (crew laughs knowingly)

    (Tower – Famous David's)
    "Hello. Who have we got there?"
    (caller) It's Carl.
    "Famous David. What do you think?"
    (caller) David Letterman.
    "David Letterman!
    Is he there?
    No! Because we are!"

    "So. Famous David.
    What do you reckon?"
    (male caller) Bowie.
    "David Bowie. Is David Bowie there?
    Oh, I'm afraid he's not there.
    He's in the Labyrinth –
    doing weird things."

    (Tower – At the Beach)
    "This is my little Hawaiian dance."
    (doing traditional swaying dance)
    "… or they just shake stuff."
    (wiggling her upper body about)
    "They just jiggle their coconuts.

    (blonde crew gal Steph - a good sort - hands the money fan to Nikki, who’s wearing a sundress)
    "Thank you Steph.
    Oh, I just dropped my pen."
    (Steph bends down to pick it up)
    "I just did that so she could check out the goods.
    No, not really."
    (rest of the crew laughs)
    (Steph blushing) I'll leave you to it.
    "I'm not that way inclined! It's alright.
    Sorry Steph.
    Oh, she's gonna quit now, isn't she!"

    "Hello. You're live on The QM.
    Who's there?"
    (male caller) Ricky.
    (Nikki singing) "'Hey Ricky you're so fine,
    You're so fine you blow my mind,
    Hey Ricky!'"
    (clap-clap clap-clap)

    "Hello. Who do we have there?"
    (caller) Cassandra.
    "Cassandra. What a beautiful name.
    (singing) 'You make the stars shine in the darkest night,
    You've got the magic -
    Cassandra - I'm under your spell.'"

    (OK, I did add the song part.
    But the next time a 'Cassandra' calls …)

    "If you're not over 18 you can get your brother or sister, parents or someone to call me on your behalf.
    Get a stranger.
    Get a random sleepwalker who's walking past your house."
    (Stranger Danger Nikki)

    (Expletive – frustrated Nikki)
    "Oh, Shepp!
    Pardon my blasphemy!"

  • At 2:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    caught this one last night,

    " rudolph the redhead osborne "

    gotta love christmas don't ya,
    im gonna spend chrissy eve on my roof waiting to see santas reindeer
    ferg :D

  • At 8:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey Nikki,
    I only watch Quizmania because of you. Whenever you come on I am sooo excited. I love all of your saying!! You are the funniest person ever!!! And I have lost count of how many times you have said so!!!! Can't wait to watch you again!!!

  • At 9:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey, there's a song on here sampling Nikki!

  • At 12:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…


    We know.


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