Nikki Osborne

Fan Club and gallery for Nikki Osborne, star of The Nation (Channel Nine Australia), former late night TV presenter on the Quizmania gameshow and one of Australian television's best looking and talented new stars. It's not Rocket Surgery...

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Top Nikki Quotes Volume 1

Nikki's hilarious ad-libs are a highlight of the show.

Via comments, this is where you can submit your favourite Nikki quotes.

You don't need to register, however please click 'other' and leave a name so they aren't all posted by 'anonymous'.

No career-killers please!

Comments now closed. Volume II is here.


  • At 6:31 PM, Anonymous nikkirox said…

    Here's a few classic Nikki quotes to get the ball rollin'.
    (corrections welcomed)

    "Call me on the Blozz."

    "It's not rocket surgery!"

    "Bless your cotton socks!"

    and (as mentioned by our Editor):

    "By the way, that's not my belly, that's just a corset - in case there's rumours I'm a knocked up pornstar."

  • At 7:09 PM, Anonymous nikkirox said…

    I missed a few Nikki pearlers the first time 'round.
    Here you go -

    "Where are you going little girl?"

    "Whoa! That blew my socks off!"

    (reacting to a correct answer)
    "Ripper! Beauty! Bonzer!"

    (a "Blozz" variation)
    "Get on the Blozz."

    and from the other night -

    (referring to a clue)
    "How obvious is this? It's as obvious as my cleavage this evening."

  • At 10:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Michael Jackson turns 48 today!! But as they say, you are only as young as the woman you feel...or in his case...I won't go there.

  • At 10:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I like her ^_^

  • At 5:59 PM, Anonymous mmmdl said…

    You wish, Jellyfish (never heard that one before)

  • At 9:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'm off like a fart in an elevator!!

  • At 3:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    she's cute, funny and smart. She must be a queenslander? Go redcliffe!

  • At 5:45 PM, Anonymous crazyfornikki said…

    " Act-avite is awesome" -N. Osborne

  • At 9:49 AM, Anonymous Charlesy said…

    Wow, nikki is so awesome. That Michael Jackson one.. genius. Pure genius. I wonder where she gets it from.

    Me and my girlfriend, when we're lucky enough to have nothing to do at nights always stay up for Nikki.

    Well not really, but if for some reason we turn it on and she's there, we watch. We think shes hot. We think shes cool. She appeals to all demographics man.

  • At 6:58 PM, Anonymous ferg said…

    the best one i have heard was whilst she was talking up a new mobile that was put up on screen for some reason,,,,

    "thats a flash phone there, i wouldnt kick that out of bed if it farted"

    go nikki u sexy girl !!!!!!

  • At 8:29 PM, Anonymous nikkirox said…

    (Tower Game - Madonna songs
    in response to answer "Like a Virgin")
    "No virgins here. How do you think I got the job?"

    (thanks to "anonymous" who brought this first quote up a while back on this site)

    "I think we'll get a call soon. I can feel it in me waters."

    (Tower Game - Double ... what?)
    "Double D! It should be there.
    That's the way these mangoes are boosted every evening."

    "Double ... meaning. Oh we like those!"

    (frustrated with wrong answers
    - arms outstretched, pleading)
    "I want to give it to you!"

    (double meaning?)

  • At 6:17 PM, Anonymous nikkirox said…

    But wait ... there's more-

    (after Matt the cameraman gives a cameo performance)
    "I love having Matt around.
    He makes me look better by comparison."

    (a loud honking sound as Nikki is bending over)
    "I wanted to do that in the break ... but I couldn't wait!"

    "Even though it's unconditional love when you have children.
    I love my three illegitimate children."

    (Tower Game - Vegetables)
    "Artichoke! That's a you beaut one - speaking from the heart."

    "Which vege-eatable do you think it is?"

    "Choko. Is choko there?
    Choko Ono!"

    "That was unbelieva-bubble!"

  • At 6:23 PM, Anonymous ferg said…

    then there was that classic one,

    " after the show im heading home to my hunky lover ferg, hes more man than i can possibly handle, how lucky can a girl get !"

    sorry, just typing out loud ,,,,,,
    ferg :-)

  • At 1:28 PM, Anonymous Vega said…

    I've been reading forums and I can't believe people don't get the "It's not rocket surgery!!" line!! They think Nikki doesn't realize she has got it wrong! Wake up people!! The jokes on you!! I think you should publish this one as a headline because people are consistantly assuming Nikki is a bimbo!!

  • At 10:57 AM, Blogger Nikki Osborne Fan Club said…


    Good idea!

  • At 2:19 PM, Anonymous JimmyG said…

    The recent 'Backdoor Mountain' line was an absolute cracker. Had tears rolling down my face, I did. Nikki Osbourne is the best thing since sliced vegemite on toast (and considering I love my 'Vegie', that says a lot!!!). Could say a lot more how wonderful she is but I really don't want to overdo it.

  • At 3:19 PM, Anonymous nikkirox said…

    The Nikki musings, tangents and nikki-isms keep on comin' !

    (Tower Game - Chocolate Treats)

    "What chocolate do you think?"
    (caller) A mint pattie.
    "A mint Pattie! Or a mint Bert."

    "A Mars bar! Oh, it's not there.
    A Mars a day keeps the doctor away.
    Something like that."

    "Don't tease a woman with chocolate and take it away. Especially a redhead at 2AM with cravings!"

    (breaking into song)
    "Chocolate is my sunshine, my only sunshine. It makes me happy when I've got PMS."

    "We're still talking about chocolate. Which is a worthwhile topic. It should be the top topic in Parliament."
    ( Nikki for PM! )

    "There's still $1500 and $300 on the Tower.
    That's a lot of money!
    Wouldn't kick that out of bed for farting. It's not rocket surgery. Get me on the blozz."

    "Hello, who's there?"
    (male caller) Robin.
    "Robin! Are you a friend of Batman?"

    (female studio voice) Speed Round! Speed Round! Speed Round!
    "It’s a Speed Round! In case you didn’t hear the chick the first time."

    (reacting to a wrong answer)
    "Oh! Poo bum wee!"

    (trumpet call) Da da da dat da da!

  • At 11:07 AM, Anonymous Peter C. said…

    Nikki Quote: Saturday Night.
    Nikki Said:

    "Today Jason Alexander turns 45 yo!"
    Crew applauded!
    "Gee, I hope I get that much applause when I'm OLD!!!"

    Thanks Nikkii!!!

  • At 4:56 PM, Anonymous Cindy said…

    " anyway, enough about me...what do you think about me??"

  • At 10:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    During the show where the phone system failed - Nikki asked: "What do you get when you cross a pelican with a monkey? A monkican"

  • At 12:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    the pirate episode

    release the KRAGGEN

  • At 4:57 PM, Anonymous nikkirox said…

    "Nope. I've got nothin'."
    (No way chardonnay! Nikki you've got plenty!)

    Pirates Night
    (Tower Game - Black - what?)
    "Black Pearl. Is it there?
    No! The Kraken ate it."

    "I'm doing my little pirate pose.
    Look out Keira Knightley, here comes the one-eyed woman.

    (Tower - Kitchen Items)
    "Food! I reckon that would be a good thing to have in a kitchen.
    Oh, it's not there!
    An anorexic's kitchen."

    "A spatula! Oh, my backside knows about them! (pauses)
    As when I was little. Nothing kinky."

    (Tower- Items You Can Wear)
    "A bag! They took plenty of bags to the Brownlow tonight. The guy's did."

    (Tower- Female Singers)
    "Dolly Parton! Do you know what song she sings in the bath?
    Islands in the stream, that is what we are..."

    (Tower- Cartoon Characters)
    "Is Yogi Bear there?
    Oh no! He got shot in the forest."

    "Hello. Who's that?"
    (caller) Harry.
    "Harry! Have you met Sally yet?"

    "Hello. Who's there?"
    (caller) Kylie.
    "Kylie. How are you? I can't wait till you go back on tour!"

    "Hi Chris. What are you doing tonight?"
    (caller) Just ringing up trying to get through.
    "Nice one brother. From another mother."

    "Whoar! That shizzled my kafizzle fizzle!"

    "Easy peasy lemon squeezy!"

    "Yee ha grandma, riding in her boyfriend's car!"

    Oh BTW, there’s been some discussion about our Nikki over at IMDb.
    ( - Nikki Osborne - Message Boards)

  • At 4:58 PM, Anonymous Peter C. said…

    Saturday Night:
    "Things At The Footy":
    Caller: Coach.
    Nikki: ( Hesitates ) "Oh! I was thinking of a Bus then!"

  • At 5:02 PM, Anonymous Peter C. said…

    Saturday Night:
    Things At The Footy:
    Caller: Players!
    Nikki: "Footballers are Players! Are they ever! No! I didn't mean that!"

  • At 5:04 PM, Anonymous Peter C. said…

    Nikki talking about Disneyland!

    "Mickey Mouse made a move on me! He did! Mickey Mouse!"

  • At 10:51 PM, Blogger wevil said…

    peter peter big pumpkin eater

  • At 8:58 PM, Anonymous nikkirox said…

    (Tower Game – Sitcoms)
    "Hayden. What sitcom do you have for me?"
    (caller) 'Just Shoot Me'.
    "Uh ... well ... there's other lines you can call if you're having issues Hayden."

    "Hello. Who have we got there?"
    (caller) Jamie.
    "So what sitcom do you have for me?"
    (caller) 'My Name Is Earl'.
    "My name is Earl? You said it was Jamie!"

    "Hello. What's your name?"
    (caller) Hello Warren.
    "Hello Warren. Fancy that. Hello Warren. What a cool name!
    What sitcom do you have for me?"
    (caller) 'Cheers'.
    "Cheers! Is it there?
    Oh no! It's not there Hello Warren."

    "Hello. Who's there?"
    (caller) Matt.
    "Welcome Mat!"

    "What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
    Robin, get in the car."
    (Nikki laughs)
    (crew) It's the Batmobile.
    "The Batmobile? Oh, whatever Trevor!"

    (Tower - things you might find in ... The City Centre)
    "Pharmacies! Are they there?
    You always need drugs in a city."
    (qualifies) "Prescribed! Prescribed!"

    "Pigeons! Are they there?
    No pigeons! It's a bird flu-free city."

    "Now don't yell your answers at the screen because the screen may get frightened.
    And also it doesn't win you any money my honeys."

    "We've made it very easy for you tonight. So take advantage of how easy I am."

    "Let's do it!
    I live by the Nike Nikki thing."

    "Who's gonna blozzerate me?"

    "It’s not rocket surgery. It’s not brain science.
    You should get me on the blozz, blow my socks off, float my boat and pump up my tyres. I’m ready for it!"

    "Only the producer and the computer know the answers.
    Computers are smart and I'm a tart.
    No I'm not! I just said that because it rhymes!

    "Melburnians! They're out and about with a trout tonight!"

    "Cross my heart and hope to die, a thousand bullets in my eye."

    "So call ..."
    (the strap on Nikki's top slips down off her shoulder)
    "Well hello sisters!"

    "I'm so graceful. I'm like a gazelle and an elephant's spawn."


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